Loneliness and alone come from the same root word, LONE, meaning to be by oneself. Simple. What can we confer from this though? Only that, that these two words sound the same, yet they feel very different. You tell your friends you are home alone they come to party and crash at your place. You tell your friends you are lonely; they start spending time with you and make you feel comforted. Lonely just feels like a sad word. But it's really not. It's just "imposter syndrome". When we hear someone say they are alone it's fine because by alone they mean their external environment and surroundings, but when we hear the word lonely, we sympathise with them and it's just intrinsically sad to be lonely. And when it's both, it's even harder to not feel bad about that person.

Recently I felt both of these it was I don't know, okay-ish. But one of the worst things happened it pulled me away; from the things I loved doing and that was the tip of the iceberg. Initially, it was comforting to be cuddled up in bed, no thinking just staring at the ceiling and zoning out. Like the world had stopped spinning but of course it didn't. Moving on realising that it was getting a little too much I came here, to do what I want and revolting against this feeling of over burdening sadness. Even though I always felt lonely, feeling alone was just a plus one. It was never this deep like it's now. But Art, Music and Food are keeping me alive. It was never that deep, but again it was deep enough to cut through every layer of me with an excruciating amount of pain, sadness and guilt for things I never experienced, lived or understood ever. I don't know if it's the right place to vent but it sure feels safe. It feels like a place people will finally understand what's wrong with me. Thanks for reading, stranger! Drop your diagnosis.